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- Why? - I was working all the time.

And he was always between jobs. I hardly ever got to see the kids.

If I got home early to be with them, something would go wrong.

The house would be wrecked and I'd have to clean it up.

He never knew, but so many nights I just... cried myself to sleep.

Really?

The truth is, I didn't like who I was when I was with him.

I would turn into this horrible person.

I didn't want my kids growing up with a mother like that.

When I'm not with Daniel, I'm better.

And... I'm sure he's better when he's not with me.

Well, you never...

I mean... Did you ever say anything to him, dear?

Daniel never liked to talk about anything serious.

I used to think Daniel could do anything. Except be serious.

But then, I was serious enough for everybody.

- This is great! - Isn't this posh!

I'll bet it's very exclusive. Probably need a credit reference just to get in the pool.

- Amazing! - Oh, Nattie.

Not a single body that exists in nature. Look at that.

- Lydie... - There's Stu!

Where? Oh. On the board.

Oh, isn't he a stunning piece of work?

Look, Nattie. That's called liposuction.

I hope he had protection, hitting the water at that speed.

- Let's go say hi. - Let's do, please.

- That's amazing. - Stunning.

- Hello! You look lovely! - Hi.

Oh, guys, I'm so glad you could make it.

- By the looks of you, that water's so cold! - Yes, well...

Your tummy looks different from my daddy's.

Oh, Nattie! Not everyone has their own personal trainer.

- Got your swimsuits? Wanna go for a dip? - That'd be great!

- Good! How about you, Mrs Doubtfire? - Oh, you wicked, wicked man!

Isn't there enough flesh here for you to feast your eyes on?

- Come, Mrs Doubtfire. Don't be bashful. - No, dear. They've outlawed whaling.

- We'd be re-enacting the Titanic. - Come on, Mrs Doubtfire.

Oh, no. Just go. Leave me here. I'll just sit in the sun and crisp.

You can't get heatstroke twice in the same year.

OK. Well, let's go, kids. Swim time.

- Go, dear. I'll be fine. - Your day's on me, Mrs Doubtfire.

- Anything you need, put it on my tab. - Thank you, dear.

Touch me again and I'll drown you, you bastard.

I'll just sit here and watch you move in on my family.

Oh, God. What am I doing here? This is beyond obsession.

- Is everything all right, ma'am? - Fan-bloody-tastic.

- Can I have another? - Sure.

Great.

Soda with a lime, please.

- It's on me. - No, thanks.

Four iced teas, Todd.

So, whose rugrats?

Miranda Hillard's.

- Miranda Hillard? - The woman I'm seeing.

No kidding? You? The guy who's never having kids?

Won't have anything to do with kids? You won't even date a woman with kids.

People change, Ron.

I'm pushing 40. I don't want to spend the rest of my life by myself.

She's got an awful lot of baggage. Three kids.

Three terrific kids, and I'm crazy about them. Especially little Natalie. Look at her.

She's a sweetie pie.

God knows they need a stable father figure in their life right now.

- What about their real father? - What can I say? The guy's a loser. I'll see ya.

Loser? Oh, yeah?

Oh, sir!

I saw it! Some angry member of the kitchen staff. Did you not tip them?

Oh, the terrorists! They ran that way. It was a run-by fruiting.

I'll get them, sir. Don't worry.

Good waste ofjuice.

Loser.

What are you lookin' at?

Hi, boys and girls.

Today we'll be talking about dinosaurs.

It's A Dinosaurus Line!

And please welcome... the king!

It's a dinner show. Hi! Where you from? I'm gonna make you lunch.

Thank you very much. Thank you! All right!

Ladies and gentlemen, put your claws together!

Please welcome... James Browntosaurus!

I eat wood

It tastes good

No meat, big feet

I eat wood

Oh, I got to help myself! Can't go on! I'm goin' extinct!

Oh, thank you, James. But right now... it's time for the Raptor Rap!

I'm a raptor, doin' what I can

Gonna eat everything till the appearance of man

Yo, yo, see me, I'm livin' below the soil

I'll be back but I'm comin' as oil

Very impressive, Mr Hillard!

- I didn't know anybody was watching. - I was watching. That's funny stuff.

- Well, thanks. - I think kids'd like it.

- They'd be entertained and get information. - That's kinda my theory.

You don't have to play down to 'em, just play to 'em.

- Listen, I'd like to hear more of your ideas. - My ideas?

- How about a dinner meeting? - Wow. OK.

Next Friday. Bridges Restaurant. Seven o'clock sharp.

I'll be there.

Take five.

Take five million. You're dead.

We've just had our first home-cooked meal. I'm domestic now, huh?

- This is terrific, Dad. - You want more spaghetti?

- No, I'm stuffed. - Garlic bread? I made it myself.

Well, I didn't make it myself. I cooked it. I sliced it.

It's OK, Dad. Thanks.

The place looks great. The food's terrific.

I'm really proud of you.

Yeah. Me, too.

Me, too.

I'll be right back.

- Thank you for knocking. - Yeah.

Look at this!

I see you got someone to clean for you.

No.

- Hi, guys. - Hi, Mom.

- Are they ready? - No. They haven't had dessert yet.

- You cooked? - Yes. I cook, I bake, I sew.

Thanks to this Amish home study course I'm doing.

- I'm very impressed. - Really?

Give me a second chance. OK? Let me take the kids after school.

- I can't get rid of Mrs Doubtfire. She's terrific. - Why not?

She's the best thing that ever happened to us.

The kids are all doing better in school. Chris is passing every single subject.

I find myself getting home early just to be with them. We're all doing so great.

Sounds like an amazing woman. Too good to be true.

She is.

- I kinda like the black one. - Me, too.

I don't know. Actually... Mrs Doubtfire!

- Yes? - We need another woman's opinion.

Oh! Then I'm your woman.

- Which one? - What's the occasion?

It's my birthday.

Stu's taking me out to dinner.

Neither.

They're both too brazen, dear. They cry "harlot".

Red is the traditional color for streetwalkers.

And the black one is far too short. I hope you waxed.

They both say to me "I'm easy."

You want to be Kilimanjaro on your first date - inaccessible.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

No, let's find something more your own age.

Something a little less tawdry.

Let's see.

How about this lovely frock? Tasteful, elegant...

Don't you think?

And old. I wore that to my aunt's funeral in 1976.

A classic never dies, dear. I think it's time to revive it.

I think we should ask the kids. What do you think?

- I'd go with the short, black one. - Yeah. It's the most fun.

There. You see? I agree.

Fine. You ask my opinion, then don't take it.

- I will not be held responsible for your virtue. - You'll be there to protect me.

- Stu has invited you and the kids to join us. - Oh, how lovely! One big, happy family.

I wouldn't miss that for the world! Should be smashing good fun!

- I'm so glad. - When is this enchanted evening?

Friday night, seven o'clock.

- This Friday at seven? - Yes. At my favorite restaurant. Bridges.

- Bridges? - Yes.

- Friday at seven. - Bridges.

Sorry.

- Bridges? - Yes! Bridges.

- The restaurant Bridges? - Friday at seven.

- I can't. Please, don't. It's bingo night, dear. - Cancel it.

I can't, dear. It's my turn to pull the balls at the rectory.

- Please join us. - Don't ask me that, dear.

I can't have my birthday without you.

It's so important to us that you be there. You're part of the family now.

I can't have a birthday without you. It would mean so much to me and the children.

Please promise you'll come with us, Mrs Doubtfire. You just have to.

Who could resist that little face?

- I promise. - Thank you!

Thank you, dear.

- Are you all right? - Fine.

Let's see... Nothing.

- Anything in May? - Not a thing.

It doesn't look good.

I'm sorry. Mr Lundy is completely booked for the next two months.

- I'll meet him any time, anywhere. - Sorry. There's nothing I can do.

Please. I can't cancel. It's a huge opportunity.

Take my advice: Don't cancel.

Thank you.

- Come along, Nattie. - Hello, darling!

- Shouldn't you cover your shoulders? - No! I'm fine.

- Good evening, Mr Lundy. - Good evening.

Oh, God. Here we go.

- Mrs Doubtfire, you look wonderful. - Thank you.

Come on. I hope you're all hungry.

- Good evening, Mr Lundy. - I'm meeting someone. Is he here?

No, I'm sorry. He hasn't arrived yet.

But we can seat you. Smoking or nonsmoking?

Nonsmoking, please.

- Tanya will seat you. Table 15. - This way, please.

- Reservation. Dunmeyer. - Yes, sir.

- Smoking or nonsmoking? - Nonsmoking.

- Smoking! - Mrs Doubtfire, you don't smoke.

No, I don't. But I did.

I found the best way to keep from smoking again is to be around those who do smoke.

I have to randomly ingestjust a little bit of nicotine and it steels my wool.

And I know you're Mr Health. Bless you for putting yourself in harm's way.

- Smoking. - All right. Table 39.

- Follow me, please. - 39! My age! You're a saint.

Thank you very much for humoring an old lady.

- He's pissed already. - Mrs Doubtfire?

- Would you like to join us? - Oh. I thought I saw Clint Eastwood.

That would make my day! He is such a stud-muffin.

Will you excuse me, dear? I have to check my wrap.

- I can do it for you. - Oh, no, please. I'm quite capable of...

All right, dear. There you go.

- Oh, and your bag too, ma'am. - Drop it!

Oh, I'm very sorry, dear. It's my medicine.

- I have to go take my medicine now. - We have water at the table.

I can't take it orally, dear. I'll be right back.

- Would you like something to drink? - Oh, yes. A good stiff Chardonnay.

I like 'em light and woody.

- Hello. Bridges Restaurant. May I help you? - Yes. My name is Daniel Hillard.

Mr Lundy is expecting me for dinner. Will you tell him I'm running late, but I'm on my way?

- I'll deliver the message personally, sir. - Thank you.

Oh, Stu!